My Existential Confession

Listen while reading…

Wow…

This life is…

Soooooooo powerful.

I am getting rocked in every direction,

As a tumbling river stone,

A crashing boulder,

And a crying baby.

The past four months have been one of the biggest challenges of my life, and a grand initiation into the rest of my existence.

The moment I think I know what’s going on or what I want to do or even who I am — another shift, and transformation.

I am dying to my new self, who I’ve never even met.

All I can do is let go and have faith that the next evolution of my psyche is a movement toward God.

I feel supported by the time and space around me, by the people within, by the ever flowing energy passing through me.

And simultaneously I feel alone amidst this Vast Place.

And lost…

And hopeless, sometimes…

As if I could ever make the wrong choice!

As if I could ever be truly mistaken about what this life is, or how to live it!

How naive! How ignorant! How very, very…

Human.

Yes. Here I am, human, in the flesh.

I admit it. I love it. I love everything about it.

I love the pleasure, and the denial of it to my own self.

I love the pain, and I love dancing to avoid it.

I love laughing and crying and laughing so hard I cry.

I love being alone and longing for deep connection.

I love being in a tender partnership and all of the joys and sorrows that brings.

I love the easy bits,

And the hard.

I love it all.

And, you know what?…

I am ready for more.

I am ready to have even more of all these things that I love.

I AM READY!

So, God, please…

Grant me more.

I can take it.

I know. It’s all mine anyway.

So let me have it!

I know what to do with it.

I’ll just keep on changing, and sharing.

That’s what it’s all about.

Thank You.

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