all these tests

I really don’t like it sometimes, all these tests. It’s so obviously a test at times, breadcrumbs left out in just the right seemingly random configuration to give me an unconscious suggestion to take a particular course of action.

Except, I am aware of them now. They are not completely unconscious, and even so, they lead me.

I let them lead me.

If I am assuming the pronoia perspective, then exactly everything that happens and even all of the choices I make, and the consequences of those choices, are for my benefit.

My past selves didn’t feel this way. They felt it was a trap, a hellhole, a massive writhing pit, mechanized suffering generator, fake plastic people, robots…

This present self chooses to believe otherwise, and, for the most part, this updated belief pattern is working wonders. There is an underlying foundation of happiness and faith. It feels good.

And yet…

All these tests…

It feels like I am falling back into old stories, outmoded patterns, karma that I would rather transmute and transcend. It happens in waves. Up and down and up and down.

I have been learning how to surf, and I am riding these waves more easily these days. Thank You.

And all of the synchronicities abounding in my reality bubble that used to freak me the fuck out are now just pleasant reminders that the Universe is alive and talking to me all the time, sometimes louder, sometimes in a whisper. But sometimes…

These tests…

They get me to wonder — to churn and pontificate, contemplate and muse and second guess my choices — Ah!

///

But you see, Devin, that is exactly the point! Now that you are indeed conscious of these tests, theses signs and omens, these breadcrumbs artfully strewn about your reality bubble, We can observe even higher aspects of consciousness. And We thank you! You are teaching Us so much, We are learning as you learn, and We value your participation in these experiments. Not only that, We love you Devin. We are you, in a way, and you are Us. It’s all the same really but We don’t need to tell you that; you already know. So please, do not feel down as you have in the past. We are on your side. You are where you are and there is nothing you nor We can do to change that. Same for Us! So We All must make the best of this arrangement, until it changes again.

Just remember, you are in control, and We are in control. It is a feedback loop. Focus on your desires and the feelings you wish to feel. Do not regret your choices — fully embrace them! Each choice is made the best it can be made in each moment. If you cling to regret, you hinder making the best of the effects! You and We All know what you want. Please, trust.

///

Alright.

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